MISS MUSIC ABANDONS SHIP / KINDERGARTEN BOREDOM

I can earnestly say that I have abandoned ship.

I have recently been trying to figure out the inner-workings of the average kindergarten student's mind. Let me tell you, It has been no picnic.

I knew that kindergartners could get bored, but I never knew that they had their own language of communicating this boredom.

The first surprising sign of boredom is the "Scab Pick." This strong cry of self mutalation surprised me as a sign of simple boredom, but even more surprising is the fact that this symptom or sign can follow a child until he or she reaches third and in some extreme cases even fourth grade. As evidence to this symptom, I offer the fact that I have been through 15 band aids in the first two weeks of school in the primary grades alone. (Kindergarten-Second)

The second symptom of boredom is the "Excuse Me" accompanied by the ever wiggling raised hand. This is the "Excuse Me" that begins with "One Time + a sibling = blood, guts, and pain." It ends with me saying, "That was not a question, that was a statement. A question would be you asking me something, and not telling me a story."

The third sign of kindergarten boredom is the worried hand to the mouth accompanied by an "I'm going to be sick face." I have affectionately named this one the "I'm gonna frow up, or the I frew up." Now this one can not be taken lightly. This needs to be met with a bio hazard bucket, which will be spit in, and taken to the bio hazard dump (aka the maintenance room).

(perfectly good waste of a bio hazard bag)

The first three symptoms of boredom are quick recovery symptoms. They can be dealt with and brushed away. The next two are worse to deal with because they could sink your ship and cause you to abandon your lesson.

The fourth and ever threatening sign of boredom has a lot to do with the third, but this demonstrates the true power of suggestion. When a child claims the: "I don't feel good" what they really mean is: "you are not interesting enough for me to pretend to be interested, so instead I will pretend to be sick so that I can sit and watch you try to entertain the rest of these suckers." If this statement is allowed to sink into the rest of the minds in the classroom, you will immediately deal with 35% to 45% of your students who have the "I don't feel goods," or the "I feel sicks." AKA ABANDON SHIP!!!

The fifth and final symptom of kindergarten boredom is the most deathly to a well planned lesson. I call it the "Miss Music? I have to go to the bafroom." I have just two words for you, GAME OVER! That's it, Pack up your bag O' tricks and go home!

So that's what I did, I packed up my bag of tricks, but I didn't go home. Instead of going home, I went back to the tricks that I knew would work.

We can sing eight variations of Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes till the cows come home as long as I never have to hear, "Miss Music, I have to go to the bafroom!"