Should I stay or should I go

Should I stay or should I go...
Isn't that in a song somewhere? I think it is, but I can't place it and I don't have the energy right now to google it.

I probably shouldn't be posting, but hey... I am not on the clock yet so whatever!?!

What do you do when you want something, but you think that God wants something else for you? I know that I am supposed to do what God wants. I have known that for as long as I can remember. I just want to be able to do it with joy and with excitement. I could probably do it with peace... but joy, gladness and excitement??? I am not so sure I can get that far.

If you have been following... You may have surmised that husband and I are not always happy in this town. You may also know that we have friends in other places who are more than willing to help us get to them in a more permanent way than a visit. I honestly am at a place in my life when I would rather "get the heck out of Dodge," but you know... I think that God wants us here in Dodge. Stinking no culture no friends Dodge.

There are still things for us to do here, things that we need to learn and people who need us here. Yet, I want with all that's within me to move somewhere where I have a support system of friends to hang out with and to laugh with.

I was thinking the other day. Have you laughed as much as you did in college ever since then? In college I laughed my guts out at least once every other day. That is a lot of laughter if you think of it. I still laugh, but it is a ha here and a hee hee there and perhaps a he hum at a meeting where laughter is frowned upon. But I can't remember the last time I laughed my guts out.

For me... that is a huge deficit in my life.

So Lord, if you want me here in Dodge, stinking, no culture, no friends, dodge... then I need a good laugh now and again. I need a good laugh and a friend. A friend who is not husband because husband is a good husband and I don't need in that area. I need in the friend area.

I am not writing this to complain, but I am writing this because I think that there are lots of people all over who need to hear that they are not alone in their desire to be somewhere else. If we were all honest about it, then I believe that our lives away from our friends would feel a little closer. We wouldn't constantly be thinking... "If I could only make it a little longer then I can go somewhere else and be happy." We might have half a shot at being at peace with our situations.

Honestly, I can't move right now. I want to but I can't. God wants me here, and I am learning to be obedient and joyful right where I am.